Monday, 3 November 2008


Some of our people - members, supporters and friends - have been involved in creating a satirical regular radio news-broadcast. You can listen here

Episode 2. War Report.

Richard Branson mislables middle east in sat nav disaster.
Miss Georgia on imperialism.
Gordon Ramsay's African Kitchen Nighmares.
Sell. Sell. Sell. Bail out. Shoot. Kill. Kill. Invade. Sell.

So was the theory coming from John Mcain’s campaign team on how best to deal with the global crisis.

At Have Your News we stood bemused as Cliff’s mortgage went up and Harry’s mother defaulted on her china dog repayments.

Have Your News Iceland was nationalised. Over here we were caught up in an orchestrated buyout of our parent company after Lehman Brothers hit the wall.

We even started making jokes. “Is that the new credit crunch cereal bar you’re eating” quipped Cliff. But he was laughing on the other side of his face when his HBOS shares dropped faster than a heavy pile of books that were tied together. The comic genius however, keeps flowing like a boat on a nice river.

Things are just moving so fast. Even Ninjas can’t keep up. If you are finding it hard then please take some advice from our pamphlet. “How to kick the crunch and stay awake” available from Starbucks TM coffee shops. Handy tips like “Buy one cappuccino, not two” and “Don’t get skinny latte, buy a Creamyacino TM for the same price” are invaluable in this time of need. Gordon Brown saved his leadership by simply spending a load of cash and all his rivals could say was “I would spend £500 billion.

Definitely. I could do that no problem. Look at the size of my….”.

It’s not all bad news though, cheer up! Gregg’s the pasty maker has announced record profits. All empty houses are now to be turned into Gregg’s “Pasty Palaces” instead of homes to feed the hungry this Christmas.

Ordering Roquefort and caramelised pear warm salad? Better get a steak bake. Screamed the financial times lifestyle supplement headline last week.

Even sacked Bank of Scotland boss Sir Fred Goodwin who left on £4.15 million had to say goodbye to his dreams. “Looks like the closest thing I’ll be getting to my dream home in the Caribbean this Christmas is the thousand island dressing on my tuna melt” said the glum banker. Our hearts go out to all facing trouble; hopefully we can cheer you up a little.

Have Your News will be back with a U.S election Global Crisis special.

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